that hug guy....

just another story i'd like to share from when i use to do case management in the city.



Thursday, March 03, 2005

That hug guy....

So the other day I had to go with a client to an appointment that she had with her psychiatrist. The place we went to is a place where many consumers receive their mental health treatment, and also have the opportunity to participate in groups and programs. The appointment was in the early afternoon and we had to take public transportation to get there. The morning was pretty rushed for me, including normal client-drama, a call to the paramedics for an unresponsive resident in his room, and on top of all that, it was rent day. So needless to say, people were lined up outside of my office door and I was quickly taking care of everything that was coming my way.

When I was finally able to break free, my client and I began our journey. Upon arrival to our destination, we scurried amongst the mass of people gathered outside the entrance to the building. It's one of those deals where everyone is rushing around, you are aware that people are around you, and you only acknowledge their presence if you happen to make eye contact with a quick "hey" or "hi, how ya doin?" as you brush by them, not expecting a real answer. As I tried to make it through the door, an elderly man was making his way out the door. I held open the door for him and his eyes met mine--so I just smiled and said hello...without any thought really. Immediately, he came at me--

---pushing me away from the door outside again on the street...

"Yea Hey. My name is Walter. How are you?"

"I am well," I told him. "How about yourself?"

"I'm lousy and horrible. What is your name?"

"Colleen," I answer. Now my client is looking at me like I'M crazy. "I'm sorry that you are lousy and horrible."

"Yea well nobody ever wants to shake my hand."

It's weird how that prompted me to immediately extend my hand to him, "Oh I'm sorry, how's it going?"

"That's a forced and chiseled hand-shake. That doesn't count. I don't want that.....I'll shake with someone who WANTS to shake my hand."

Dag.

"ok then. Sorry. We don't need to shake hands." I say as I immediately pull my hand away.

This is when Walter positions himself directly beside me and begins his rant...

"....No one ever shakes my hand. You know I stood out here in front of everyone all morning and not once did anyone say hello. No one ever says hello to me. And I don't need another person out here to ask me for spare change or a cigarette or a light. That's all anyone ever speaks to me for. This is a horrible, awful day. It's always a horrible, awful day. All these people want out here is some change or a light. And I don't need another wrong number either. People call wrong numbers to my phone. My phone rings and rings and it's never even for me. The other day I had phone calls asking for Lucy and Roger--those people are not me. I told the people on the phone to dial more carefully next time because I don't need it anymore. I really don't..."

"wow, well. It sounds like you are having a bad day. I hope it gets better," I say.

"It won't. It won't ever get better. Nobody says hello."

"Hm, well that sucks then. I guess that's just the way of the world nowadays."

A silent stare.

So I ask, "Have you noticed a difference in how people are over the years?"

He had the saddest face. "No. Nobody ever says hello."

And then that awkward silence.

"Well. I hope your day gets better. I have to get inside. Take care and see you later."

"Maybe you won't!"

Too true I think to myself as I make my way into the building again.

I go to my meeting, which lasts about an hour. My client and I leave. As we approach the doorway, I can see him standing outside the door still in the same spot he was when I went in. My client turns to me and says "He stands out there every single day."

"So you know him?" I ask my client.

The look on her face was of obvious disgust, "No."

I push the door open and manage to put my hand on his shoulder as I make my way through. "Alright, Walter," I say. "It was nice meeting you. I hope you're day gets better."

"It won't. It's been horrible already--"

I keep walking. The crowds begin filling in the gap between us. But I can still hear his miserable voice behind me. Soon I feel his hand on my shoulder.

"Were you the one I was talking to earlier about not getting a handshake?"

I stop and turn around. "yea, you mentioned it."

"Well I just got my very first handshake of the whole day while you were inside." His face displayed excitement and amazement.

"Wow really? That's great!"

That quickly, his miserable face returned. "No it's not. It's terrible."

"Why is it terrible??"

"Because I stood out here for THREE HOURS and it took THAT long for someone to finally shake my hand."

"Well...I'm glad that someone finally did," I respond.

His look of excitement returned. "I wish you liked to be hugged," he said.

My client gasped in shocked.

"Well," I said. "If I hugged you now, you would say it's a 'forced or chiseled' hug and you say that's no good."

The shape of a smile formed across his face. His arms spread out and raised slightly.

What did I just get myself into, is what I should've been thinking to myself. It's what I normally would have been thinking to myself. But something in me just drove me to smile and embrace him.

It was a very friendly and gentle hug...

...shared by two strangers....in the middle of a busy city street...in the middle of the afternoon....

...so simple,

yet...it's something I'll never forget.