rest in peace

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

r.i.p. the day finally came. the day i never wanted to think of but i knew was inevitable. i did not realize how emotionally unprepared i was. the good ol' red neon was laid to rest on thursday june 21. it was the perfect beginning to the worst day i've had in a long while. i wasn't always good to her, in fact, sometimes, i took her for granted. but she was always there for me. she was sick a lot over the past few years, but she still managed to save me. the putter began as i pulled off of 95 and onto 676, headed to work - already a little late as i was flexing my time that morning. i barely managed to pull over to the shoulder - the shoulder i cried on, knowing what tragedy was occuring, as the city's high tide of rushing vehicles buzzed by me, shifting a hurricane breeze that beat against my ear and shook my car. the necessary calls were made - AAA to send the coroner and my dad. i waited there, heavy-hearted and stressed. guilty. my brain fried the "you should have's" and the "i told ya so's." i had been towing a fine line between tyrant traffic and the edge of the highway. it seemed to be a theme that followed throughout the rest of that day. all things must die. good and bad. the next day, i gathered my sleepless weight and hauled it into the dealership. used opportunities were laid out before me. it was my choosing, now or never....or wait and wait. i knew what i wanted at first glance. i knew just what could give me the fix i needed. we sat and played games for hours. i never could have imagined what an emotionally draining experience this could be. i was grateful to have my dad by my side. sometimes, i couldn't even believe the words he was saying! he is a learned man. a smart man. a loving and a cautious man. a scared man. we finally came to a deal. something reasonable for us all, although the story changed many times along the way. i would own a younger, used, upgraded version of my previous make - and in a different color, a darker color. the truth is, i love it. i love it so much, i hope it lasts a long time. a bit of freedom has been restored during a time when imprisonment seems like the only hope for a more solid future. but it's the perfect escape - 4 door, moonroof, ac, automatic locks and windows, am/fm radio, tape deck, 6cd exchanger - a beautiful shade of charcoal. the final viewing of my former ride was more emotional for me than i'd like to admit. having to see the shiny red body that was just recently repaired. she was a shitty ride, but damn, she looked good. well...she looked better. when i entered her, i felt like i was breaking in. removing and reclaiming the contents i've kept with her for so long..... it's the worst when you KNOW it'll be the last time you see her. july07